Team Sport

FROM STEVE:

The Best year of my life

It’s been a wild ride body-wise this month. I started chemo infusion and it’s taken a team to help me wade through some very uncomfortable moments. Two of my nurse advisors are friends of ours and they have been all stars in compassionate conversation and sharing their experiences. My family has talked me through tough times.

 I just passed my one year anniversary of treatment and it’s been quite fulfilling and interesting. I’ve learned in every stage to put my focus on joy and peacefulness even in the most difficult situations. 

You wouldn’t believe the conversations that have come my way. They say that deadlines produce the best in people.  Debbie and I are close. She sometimes works to exhaustion managing our rentals and taking care of me. 

i’m learning to welcome my failures and my suffering with compassion. It’s an exciting time. 

Donna Gulick writes about the compassionate life in her book LIVING IN THE LIGHT IS OUR TRUE NATURE.  

In this book, she takes on the issue of violence in the world we live in, with perpetrators and victims, and she extends her love to both perpetrators and victims. And then out into the larger world we live in.

 I wonder if we are currently nearing the nadir (low point) of human consciousness on this planet. In my mind, people have sometimes mistaken fun for joy 

In loneliness or confusion ….what I often see are materialistic values,….overconsumption, desire for control and power over others, and a social media system that encourages delusional thinking. 

On the flip side of the coin, have you noticed another  trend ???

Both Debbie and I have been overwhelmed by the loving kindness, smiles, friendships, and connections that come our way every single day. 

There are many people who are looking at ways to just “be”. People interested in connection and community. Where is all this coming from?

In Star Wars, we are taught that we should connect to the Force. in Christianity the Holy Spirit.  In Buddhism, it’s embracing impermanence, change and emptying ourselves of attachments. Whatever  our minds are grasping at the moment. TheTao te Ching describes an invisible, unknowable, mysterious energy that can’t be understood or captured in words. 

In all these experiences we are led to freedom …..the freedom to be without anxiety. Even when the world around us is in chaos. 

So if we are at the Nadir of human existence, we are also at a turning point. 

New ways of seeing and being are appearing ….old forms are dying. We can join hands with these new forms. Each of us comes equipped with our own individual radar that we got as standard equipment. It helps us effortlessly move along the way. Our values don’t have to be complicated. 

This way of being might include : kindness, service to all, a balanced life, and gratitude.  

AND FROM DEBBIE:

I was born into a family of cheerleaders. I became a miniature cheerleader. An occupation that stuck, it seems! Two of my sisters were dating their future husbands when I was born. They were actually part of the family before I arrived on the scene. So when my dad died (I was age 9), they became my father figures, and since they were still young themselves, my buddies. We watched a lot of football together. My sisters were great at clothes and hairstyles and make-up. But that didn’t interest me. I hung with the guys!  

I knew everything about football. In 6th grade I broke all the norms and became the quarterback for my elementary school team. Granted, we only played two games, but I felt pretty accomplished. 

Fall arrives and I feel a longing for those days. Cool weather, tailgating, and team spirit. It created for me a lifelong love of Team Sports. In the Spring I take naps after turning on a golf tournament. But in the Fall I nap to football. I don’t really have a crew to watch with anymore, but that’s okay. It’s more about cherishing the memories. And the nap is pretty wonderful. Kinda like sleeping in the back seat while your parents drive through the night. 

I am a pretty good team player. I value creating something bigger than what each person might do individually. About 23 years ago I was camping with some friends during a contra dance weekend. The falling asleep ritual on dance weekends always led to a discussion of who was interested in whom. And then eventually to the philosophical questions…what are you looking for in a partner 😜

I really had no interest in finding a partner so I usually just passed. But on this particular weekend I thought I would add my two cents to the conversation. “I am pretty simple” I said. “I want someone who knows they’re part of something bigger than themselves, and they will dance with me in the kitchen every morning.“ That’s it, they questioned?  My friends thought my list was a bit short and probably short-sighted.

“That’s it” I said. And I went to sleep. 

A few months later I ended up in a contra dance line with Steve. The sound system cut-out and we spent a slightly awkward bit of time getting to know each other while waiting for the dance to continue. A few months later we went out on our first date. The rest is history. I soon learned that Steve truly understood that he was part of something bigger than himself. And he began each day spinning me around our kitchen dance floor. The rest… just details. We worked them out!

So I think Marriage is a team sport. Pickleball is a team sport. Cancer is a team sport. And UNC men’s Basketball…definitely a team sport. Team Sports have their fair share of ups and downs, wins and losses, missed passes and lucky calls. Thank goodness for all the players, on and off the field!  We need the coaches, the fans, the quarterbacks and the sponsors. Sometimes the receivers get knocked down. Sometimes the ball is fumbled. And sometimes despite the rankings the underdog wins the day. I love the game. And, like any good cheerleader will tell you,  it’s always a bonus when you get a good halftime show. 

Hope you enjoy the wonders and memories of Fall. And whatever you do, if you have the chance to go to the dance, don’t sit it out. 

DANCE.