Sixty Years Ago

Sixty years ago. That is a long time! Sixty years ago I was 9-years-old. It was October and I was trying hard to adjust to a lot of change. And unbeknownst to me, a lot more change was headed my way.

We had recently moved from Winston- Salem, North Carolina to Columbia, South Carolina. Our family of five children promptly dropped to two as the oldest kids headed to college or got married. The state flower changed…state flag, state motto, state of everything. Changed. Seriously, there’s really no comparison between a palm tree and a dogwood. Crossing that state line might as well have been a trip to the moon.

October in Winston-Salem was quintessential Fall. All the right colors. You had to wear cozy socks at night and a sweater on the way to school that you could wrap around your waist in the afternoon. Perfection to my thinking. I picked up maple leaves and pressed them between pieces of wax paper to make placemats. It’s the best reason to have an iron! We happily raked up the leaves. Creating massive piles that you could jump into. Or, jump out if you were patient enough to lie-in-wait until someone walked by. BOO!!!!

South Carolina Fall was hot and dry and drab….In my humble 9-year-old opinion.

I love Fall. Everything about it. Descriptives like crisp, cozy, colorful, messy, chilly. There are bonfires, pumpkins, hayrides, cuddling. You eat soups and cornbread, candied apples and buy Brunswick stew from the church down the road. The Brunswick Stew was made from recipes so old they used squirrel instead of chicken. And it was cooked outdoors over a fire in huge pots.

The signs are all there. The seasons are changing. It’s obvious. No stopping it. Might as well enjoy it.

And I do! This is amazing in some ways because that October 60 years ago truly changed my life forever. If you have already calculated what was happening in the world 60 years ago you have figured out that we were living through the Cuban Missile Crisis. President John F. Kennedy was shot. And we watched in black and white as the unimaginable unfolded.

I have never been very good at questions requesting just one answer…..black/white, right/wrong, favorite/least favorite, all/nothing. When asked a question like “ what’s your favorite vacation” or “who made the biggest impact on you” I usually flounder about. I just can’t do it. Can’t find just one. But this week I had a surprising experience.

I have been painting barn quilts. Without realizing it I had assembled a wide range of Fall colors. Small jars and tubes of paint covered the kitchen table. I opened the windows to enjoy the fresh air and odors. I forgot to mention how good Fall smells! I asked Alexa to play Eva Cassidy. Being a cooperative devise (most of the time) she began to play Eva Cassidy’s live rendition of Autumn Leaves. Whew! I just stood there, paint brush in hand, and cried. The moment was so big and deep and wide. My sadness was profound. My Dad died in October 60 years ago. Or maybe, just yesterday. I am not sure that time is linear. Suddenly I realized there is one question I can answer. And this is it: If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?

I would have grown-up having my Dad there to share it all. Hard and easy. Funny and tragic. Curious and crazy. The days with nothing to do and the days of running around with too much to do.

I don’t think I love Fall despite the fact that my Dad died in October. I think perhaps that this season of dropping leaves and longer shadows is bittersweet because we are reminded that time passes quickly and life is both fragile and precious. And still, as the lyrics say, I miss you most of all when autumn leaves begin to fall.